About the Lodge
est. 1995 BC. 3 dismissed lawsuits. 1 outstanding legacy.
Our Story
Forget Me Not Lodge was founded in 1995 BC by Dr. Gerald Fester, a retired gynaecologist who pivoted to elder care after a series of “misunderstandings.” Gerald believed that the twilight years should be filled with dignity, community, and access to a well-stocked bar.
Gerald passed away in 2019 under circumstances the coroner described as “frankly impressive for a man his age.” His spirit lives on. Mostly in the bingo parlour. Sometimes literally.
Our Philosophy
We believe aging is not a disease — it's a competitive sport. At Forget Me Not Lodge, we don't slow your residents down. We rev them up, point them at something shiny, and see what happens. Our philosophy is simple: You survived war, heartbreak, dial-up internet and your children's divorces. You deserve a trophy, a stiff drink, and someone to blame your gas on.
Our Values
Dignity
(loosely defined)
Discretion
(selectively applied)
Defibrillators
(fully charged)
Deniability
(legally maintained)
Meet the Team
Professionals. Mostly.
Nurse Beatrice "Don't Test Me" Holt
Head of Medical
Beatrice has been dispensing medication — and unsolicited life advice — for 23 years. She runs the sedation schedule with military precision and once silenced a dining hall of 60 residents with a single look. Residents fear her. Staff worship her. She has never once smiled during a fire drill, and frankly, that's comforting.
Chad Albers
Wellness & Intimacy Director
Founder of the infamous Albers Sex Dungeon (formally the "Wellness and Intimacy Suite"), Chad is a certified practitioner of hip-aware erotic therapy and the only staff member who uses the phrase "range of motion" with a wink. He holds two degrees, one in physiotherapy and one in something he won't discuss. His waiting list is seven months long.
Dot & Norma
Transition Specialists
Dot and Norma are experts in helping families emotionally and legally detach from their loved ones. Dot handles the paperwork; Norma handles the crying. Between them, they've facilitated over 2,000 transitions, though Dot insists the actual number is classified. Norma once comforted a family so effectively they left without saying goodbye. That's the standard.
Dr. Viktor Sorensson
Resident Physician
Dr. Viktor looks like a cologne advertisement and acts like the villain of a Scandinavian soap opera. He is beloved by all female residents aged 70–102 and several male ones who won't admit it. His waiting room has a three-month backlog despite nobody being unwell. He once diagnosed a woman with 'needing to take a walk,' and she framed the prescription.
Barry
Groundskeeper
No last name. No references. No questions. Barry arrived at Forgetmenot Lodge in 2003 in a van with no number plates and has maintained the grounds immaculately ever since. He speaks to the roses. The roses, according to three independent witnesses, speak back. Do not enter the garden after dark. Barry said so. We don't argue with Barry.