Our Services
Everything you need to live your best remaining years
The Rose Garden
Maintained exclusively by Barry, who speaks to the roses and has asked us not to ask why they respond. Open sunrise to sunset. Do not enter after dark. Barry said so.
The Sun Room
Floor-to-ceiling windows. Heated floors. Seven residents have proposed marriage in here. Two of those proposals were to staff. One was accepted. We don't discuss it.
The Bingo Parlour
State-of-the-art electronic bingo systems alongside traditional dabbers for those who prefer a tactile outlet for their rage. Tuesday and Thursday nights. Bring your competitive spirit and leave your dignity at the door.
Our Doctors
Forget Me Not Lodge employs only the most aesthetically gifted medical professionals in the country. We didn't plan it that way. It just happened. Dr. Viktor sets the tone. The waiting room has a 3-month backlog despite no one being unwell.
The Bar
Yes, it's real alcohol. No, we're not sorry. The Lodge Bar operates on the philosophy that at this point, what's the worst that could happen? Open 4pm–10pm. Happy hour is whenever someone cries.
Albers Sex Dungeon
This content is behind an age gate for reasons that will become immediately clear.
The Not-So-Secret Society
Forget Me Not Lodge is home to "The Crimson Cardigan Society" — a secret fraternal order that meets every second Wednesday in the back of the bingo parlour. It is, by all accounts, the worst-kept secret in elder care. Membership is by invitation only, though you're invited if you're reading this. The handshake takes 45 minutes due to arthritis.
The Chapel of Last Resorts
Non-denominational. All beliefs welcome. Barry built the altar. We don't know what's under it. The chaplain visits Tuesdays and is technically still a chaplain pending one outstanding appeal.
The Confusion Corridor
Our signature architectural feature — a deliberately winding, art-filled hallway designed to stimulate the mind. Residents call it "the maze." We call it "occupational therapy." Three residents have been lost here for under 20 minutes. All recovered.